well adjusted to society

i do not mean to seem proud or arrogant, but i like to think that i am more worldly than the average american. i like to think that my love of art and passion for life in general puts me at a higher level than some. i like to see myself as a person that is different than so many people around me. but i think i may just be deluding myself.
lately i've been feeling that i am exactly like everyone else that i look down at.every once in a while i catch myself saying something that is completely unoriginal and utterly ridiculous. for just one day i would like to see myself as others see me. i feel as though i cannot fix my mistakes because my own bias hides them from me.
it is so much easier for me to trust others than it is to trust myself. i see the good in people that have wronged me and i forgive more often than i don't. but when it comes to trusting my own decisions, i just can't. in all reality, i know nothing. i am just another body. speaking words of nonsense into a world much greater than i. i question whether i have any influence over anybody. anywhere. i'm really not a big deal.
and have i really learned from all my past mistakes and regrets? or have i merely continued on the same self- destructive path?
i feel as though i have hurt too many people to be able to say that i have been correcting my mistakes all along. i get myself in the same situation way too often to consider myself a good person. i help as many people as i can. but i have failed to realize that before i help myself, there isn't much i can do for others.
i desire to care for everyone around me and protect those i love from pain and hardship. but in reality my own brokenness is preventing anything positive from happening. i feel as though all my attempts at being a good person have been in vain. i mean well, i really do. unfortunately i was completely unaware that i was helping no one. i am just like everyone else.
fuck. how do i even go about changing my entire existence?