today was very thought provoking. i woke up in a very discontented state, knowing that i had a lot of homework ahead of me. unfortunately i did not get much of said homework done. when i am alone in my apartment i start thinking about things that wouldn't normally cross my mind if i had company. my friend situation is so shitty right now. i have very few stable friends. i always have brian, but i imagine my constant talks of or complaints about others annoy the heck out of him. and it is healthy to have friendships outside of your relationship. bethany is an amazing person and i strive to be like her. she always calls out of the blue, which makes me feel good. like i am being thought about. but then it kind of makes me question myself as a friend because i don't always do that for others. nathan is an amazing person and we connect on so many different levels. i think he may just be the male version of myself in many aspects. it's been so long since i have just chilled with christina. i know that we're strong enough as friends to sustain this but it's kinda shitty having barely any contact. brandon and i have been weird lately. he won't really return my messages. and it's been at least a month since we've had one on one hang out time. i'm actually pretty worried about him. i just met jay but he is a really cool person and i think we could learn from each other. but he is on tour with a.s.p. and i miss him terribly. melissa is a great person with a big heart, and it's great to have a girl to talk to that lives in the saville. brad has a new job and a new girlfriend and has no time for old friends. and although he tells me he misses me too, i question his sincerity.
so all of this had me down in the dumps today. i eventually got outside, went to the park, read a good book, got some real food in my system, and started some homework. that felt good.
and talking to melissa about some current situations in my life really helped. oddly enough she is in a very similar situation with a friend of hers. i guess bethany was right when she said that being just friends with guys is hard because they always screw it up. but melissa and i concluded that being friends with girls can be just as challenging.
friendships are hard. relationships are hard. love is hard. all of these things are huge risks that we take in life. but in the end they are one of the few things that will make us truly happy. we were designed to be in contact with others and part of a community. although at first the work that a friendships takes to keep it sustained may not be enticing, it is well worth it. when you know that you have a strong circle you can go to and depend on, stresses relieve themselves. i am so thankful for everybody in my life and i love each and every one of them in a different way. i expect different things from different people, and treat them differently. i think i am getting better at loving people for who they truly are. but i still have a lot to work on. right now, relationships are the main focus of my attention.
so if you see something that is wrong in our relationship, tell me. constructively please. although at first i may not be ready and willing to accept the information, if it is truth i will slowly absorb it. and i will definitely work on it.
if you are reading this, i love you. and i'm sorry if our relationship hasn't been all that you expected it to be.
but i think this should be a big thing in every body's life, so before you criticize me remember to look in the mirror and see if everything is all right in your life. maybe you should call that one person you have been meaning to talk to. or write a letter to a relative who needs you. i know from personal experience that the littlest thing on your part could make someone else's day. or even save their life.
and as always whatever you do, love with all of your heart.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I got one of these blogger pages and wrote a rant last night.
You, Clementine, and I are all having some of the same troubles, and somehow (because I'm also terrible with picking up my phone and calling) we should try are hardest to keep eachother on track each day. I actually went to bed last night with the intent of sleeping more than a few hours.
I hope I can get myself into a good routine, and hopefully manage my work/ exercise/ eat/ recreation time. But, in a couple of weeks we'll be sharing living space, and hopefully we'll do enough things together that this won't be difficult at all. My past history with trouble keeping a solid group of friends isn't as hopeful as I'd like, but completing college will hopefully make lasting changes in our lives.
Post a Comment