all around me

my friends are drinking and getting out of control. they kiss random guys and don't think twice. they look for immediate satisfaction and nothing more.

i want so much more than this. i don't want one night stands. i don't enjoy the feeling at all. it makes me feel guilty. guilty not because society might look down on it, but guilty because i know that i deserve more than that. i would be short changing myself. guilty because i know it would move me not a bit closer to my ultimate goal of happiness.

and it is just so hard being the only one not looking for a guy. not looking for something meaningless. the only one concerned with bigger issues. i wish that i had a few more girls in my life whose path was closer to mine. i love my friends, but they are completely opposite of me.

i need my clem, nate, and bethany. i need genuine people with intelligence and goals. fuck college, fuck 21, fuck parties. i want discussions that keep me thinking for days after. i want to play music and sing at the top of my lungs with great people. i want to take walks and appreciate beauty with a group of people... sober. i want to smoke a bowl hiking through the woods and tell stories that will make you laugh. and most of all i want to be surrounded by people who are completely happy in who they are.

if there is a god, please save them from this game. they don't know the logic of it; they'll just be hurt in the end.