my aunt died on saturday morning. people keep asking me if i was close to her. and all i can think is that she was family, why wouldn't she be close to me? every single person in my family helped to raise me. and over the past few years i have had to see and hear about one of these family member's decline. just hearing from aunt alma or mom-mom that she couldn't even remember when people would visit her was heartbreaking. and the last time she came over to my house she was so fragile.
and all i want to do is to be miserable. and i don't even know why. i usually desire nothing but to be happy. but not now. and i don't really know why. for some reason i am perfectly content being miserable. and what angers me most is other's obvious happiness. and i can't blame them. they don't know.
it's like a peice of me has been taken away. and now the only thing i know is tears.
i feel like this is the one thing i've never been able to work through. death. i just can't be strong about this. i have no idea how. and really no desire.
misery is the only blanket that gives me warmth. and tears are the only thing that comforts my soul.
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Death will always be hard. But it is whose hands you have around you to help you through it that help to relieve the ache. Family is so very important. And thankfully, that is something we still have. Aunt Ruth wouldn't have wanted anyone to be sad. If you need to talk, just call.
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