my roomate has decided to drop out of DCAD. she is going to work for the rest of the semester. then go to county college for a semester. then go to Rowan, where she will actually be able to major in something she likes. this is all great for her. she has found out something about herself that may take others years longer. but for me, it sucks. but i cannot talk to her about how bad it sucks. becuase she will feel worse than she already does. and that will mean i am being selfish. but this really does suck. it's always been very hard for me to connect with people on a personal level. i don't have a huge circle of friends and (most of the time) i'm completely ok with that. jill is somebody who i connect with. and she is, in fact, one of the first girl friends i have made in a very long time. it's hard for me to make friends with girls because they tend to be less down- to- earth. but jill became someone i can rely on for anything. it was so nice having somebody from home here. when we would talk, it was nice to hear her talk about places that were familiar to me. and people i knew or knew of.
i love my classes, but it's been really hard for me to fit in here. when the beginning of the semester came i decided i wasn't going to be so shy anymore. if i was going to make friends, i had to put myself out there. and it hasn't really worked out. people aren't who you thought they were. and people move on.
it's weird that relationships are the only thing that keeps me going, because it's so hard to find any that are worthwhile.
i have so much on my plate right now and only a small number of people supporting me. i'm just not strong enough for this. so many people say that they are there for me. but i am the one calling them. and scheduling times to hang out. or going back to jersey for them. nobody seems to be making an effort to support me except to say ' i'm here for you.' thanks. a lot.
well. i'm going to find something to do. call me if you need me. i'll be here for you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Babygirl, I can only imagine how hard it is to be away from family and friends. It's really hard to put yourself out there when you never know if you'll get bit in the ass for it. But, you are doing right and doing something good for yourself right now. And I hope that thought helps you to know just how amazing you are.
That made me cry so much. I'm feeling worse and worse about this decision. I know it's only been a few days but I just can't get into a swing of things. There's such an aching in the pit of my stomach. I don't think you're being selfish at all Lisa, I miss you so much and honestly I just wish I could have the life I had there with the education I get here.
Oh also I have a livejournal you're welcome to read to keep updated about me hahah the username is forget_me_baby
Post a Comment